Proverbs 4:23 (NIV): “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

For years, I thought setting boundaries meant being harsh, pushing people away, or closing myself off. But as I’ve grown in faith, and as I’ve learned to live with FND, I’m realising boundaries are actually an act of love. They aren’t walls. They’re wisdom. They help me show up in the world as the woman God created me to be. They protect my wellbeing and my values. They help me guard my heart in the way the Bible invites us to. And they help me give the best of myself to the people and places that matter most.

What Are Boundaries Exactly?
In this context, I’m talking about boundaries that protect your wellbeing, your peace, and your values. These are the choices we make about what we can give and how we nurture our time, energy, and emotional capacity. They help us guard our hearts, show up as our best selves, and love others from a place of fullness rather than exhaustion.

A Time I Didn’t Have Boundaries
When I was around nineteen or twenty, I’d been talking to a guy for a couple of weeks. One night, we ran into each other at a nightclub. He asked me to go back to his place. I said no. He asked again. I said no again. But he kept pushing, saying things like, “Don’t you trust me?” “We’ve been talking for a few weeks now. Are you just leading me on?” The guilt trip eventually wore me down… until I finally said yes, even though everything in me was saying No! I regretted it immediately.

Unfortunately, many women know that feeling. The sinking sense that you’ve abandoned yourself to make someone else happy. To make an uncomfortable situation comfortable. The guilt and frustration with yourself that follows.

After that night, I promised myself I would never let a guy pressure me into something I didn’t want to do again. I built up a high wall and turned my embarrassment into anger and used it like armour. I kept boys at arm’s length. I was so assertive at times that I crossed into being unkind, not because I wanted to hurt anyone, but because I didn’t want to feel powerless ever again. But that kind of armour doesn’t protect you. It isolates you. And in the end, it hurt me far more than it protected me.

When True Boundaries Became Necessary
When FND entered my life, boundaries were no longer optional, they were survival. My energy, capacity, and strength were suddenly limited in a way I’d never experienced before. Saying yes to everything wasn’t possible. Saying no became an act of self-care. My values, which I talk about often, became my guide. They help me discern what aligns with who God is shaping me to be. They help me decide which opportunities I take, which friendships I nurture, and which responsibilities I step back from.
Now, I can give my time and attention to the things that matter most and release the things that don’t, without guilt. Because I know that if I say no, someone else whose gifts or values align might be exactly the person meant to step in.

Boundaries Are Not Walls
For many years, I treated boundaries like high fences: protective, hard, and impenetrable. Now I see them as a meeting place. A place where honesty and self-care meet. Where I can say, “This is what I can offer,” and “This is what I can’t offer today.” Where I can choose to protect my wellbeing while still honouring the relationship. I now know boundaries aren’t about cutting people out. They’re about loving myself so I can love others. They fill my cup so I can pour into the people that I care about most.

Jesus Set Boundaries Too

Matthew 14:23 (NIV): “After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.”

Jesus poured Himself out, teaching, healing, loving. But He also stepped away, intentionally and regularly, to be alone with God. When He was with people, He was fully present. When He needed rest, He withdrew without apology. I’m learning to follow that rhythm. I love spending time with my family and friends, and I love my new job as a school chaplain. But I also need the quiet moments: reading my Bible, journaling, crafting, music, books, movies, the things that refill me with peace and joy. These moments help me show up with love, and to be fully present.

Why Women Struggle with Boundaries
So many women in my life find boundaries incredibly difficult. We are often raised to be carers, helpers, and fixers, which are incredible qualities, but without boundaries, they can leave us drained and unfulfilled. Saying no can feel rude. Taking time for yourself can feel selfish. But boundaries aren’t about withholding love. They’re about ensuring we have enough love, energy, and emotional capacity to bring our best selves to the world.

A Simple Tool for Setting Boundaries

The Boundary Statement Template
Use this structure:
When… (behaviour)
I feel… (impact)
So I need… (your boundary)
And I will… (follow-through)

Examples:
“When I receive messages late at night, I feel tired and overwhelmed. I need evenings to rest and recharge, so I need to ignore messages I get after 8pm, and I will reply in the morning.”

Setting Boundaries in Faith
When I first became curious about Christianity, I struggled with the idea of “the church.” I saw it as a flawed institution with imperfect leaders. To be able to start my walk with Jesus, I had to set aside my preconceived ideas and focus first on Him. His story, His goodness, His heart. Once I understood who God invites us to be, I could join a church with the confidence to recognise when something didn’t sit right with me. I learned to trust my discernment, remembering that people aren’t perfect, but Jesus is.

A Prayer for Healthy Boundaries
Lord, thank You for creating us with purpose, value, and worth. Help us to guard our hearts with wisdom and to set boundaries that honour You. Teach us to say yes with joy and no without guilt. Give us the courage to protect our wellbeing, the grace to communicate clearly, and the discernment to recognise what is ours to carry. Help us follow Jesus’ example of giving generously while also resting in Your presence. May our boundaries lead us closer to peace, wholeness, and the life You designed us to live. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Setting boundaries is not about being harsh or keeping people at a distance. It’s about protecting your heart, your energy, and your values so you can show up fully in the places God has called you to be. When you honour your limits and communicate them with kindness, you create space for deeper relationships and a life lived with intention. Remember, boundaries are an act of love, for yourself and for others, and a way to follow Jesus’ example of giving generously while also caring for your own spirit. May you step into the freedom, peace, and joy that healthy boundaries bring.

Take care of yourself,
Linda x