Tomorrow I turn 40.

And I’ve been sitting with all the feelings that come with that, not just the number, but what it represents. The years of adventure, experiences, relationships, and much more. But, when I look at where I am now, I’ve been wondering… am I still me?

I’ve spent the past two weeks thinking a lot about that question.

I’m heading into my forties as a completely different Linda. My mind doesn’t work the same anymore, as brain fog, memory lapses, and fatigue are part of my daily life with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Where I once had endless energy and could walk for hours or attend a dance class, now each day I wake, I’m not sure how many steps my legs will allow before they begin to weaken and hurt.

I lost my career as a youth support worker, a job I deeply loved. I no longer contribute financially to our family, instead, I have medical bills. My beliefs have changed too; I’ve gone from new age to a woman of faith. This change has been incredibly positive in my life, but it’s still new, and the foundation of who I’ve been for years has shifted beneath me.

Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror, wondering, “Who is Linda now?” Is she still here, even without the titles, the busy schedule, the clever vocabulary, and the memory recall?

I’m proud of a lot. I’m proud of the friendships I’ve built and nurtured over the years, my relationship with my husband and kids, and the laughter and love in our home. I’m proud of the books I’ve published, the times I danced, sang, or spoke in public, even though it scared me. I’m proud of the young people I helped in my youth work career, and the courage it took to return to study while raising kids. And I’m deeply proud of the healing I’ve done from past wounds.

I’ve learned that family is one of my top values and that peace, curiosity, authenticity, and creativity are not just values I hold… they’re the foundation of every decision I make.

Reflecting on my values made me realise some things about me haven’t changed. I still have the same sense of humor, and I love making people laugh. I still find joy in being creative by doing paint-by-numbers, creating journals, and building miniatures. My compassion hasn’t disappeared; it’s just shifted. I may not be able to help in all the ways I once did, but my love and care for others are still there.

Through all the changes, the one thing that grounds me most is my faith. God, my family, my close friends, they truly are my light on dark days. And when someone sends me a message saying a blog post of mine made them feel seen… that’s when I know I’m still walking in my purpose.

Through writing this post, I’ve realised that turning 40 isn’t about mourning what I’ve lost.
It’s about honoring all of the versions of myself I’ve been and choosing to show up for the woman I’m still becoming.

I’ve learned how to say no to things that drain me. I have rest days now, and I honor them. I’m learning to feel my emotions instead of hiding them. I’m still working on speaking kindly to myself, especially when I look in the mirror and don’t always love what I see, but I’m trying.

I want to be a woman who is confident in who she is, who takes brave steps when needed, and who models growth and compassion for her son and daughter. A woman who rests, sets boundaries, slows down, and leans into her faith. A woman who stays curious, creative, and authentic.

So here’s to 40.
Here’s to whatever comes next.
Here’s to walking into the unknown. Not with all the answers, but with hope, faith, and the quiet confidence that I’m not walking alone.

Take care of yourself,
Linda

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1