*A Note to My Readers
As I share this blog series, ‘Reflections and Revelations,’ reflecting on the pivotal moments that have shaped my life, I want to acknowledge that these posts include sensitive themes such as bullying, self-harm, depression, anxiety, promiscuity, and substance use. These topics are deeply personal, and while I share them with honesty, I encourage you to proceed with care. If at any point you feel triggered or overwhelmed, please prioritize your well-being and step away.
I also want to clarify that while my stories may at times sound like I am blaming or accusing others, this is not my intent. With time, reflection, and growth, I’ve come to understand that everyone was navigating their own challenges and doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. I do not hold resentment toward anyone mentioned; in fact, many of these relationships have been healed through understanding and time. For this reason, I have changed or omitted some of the names in these stories. This series is about exploring how these moments shaped me, not about pointing fingers, and I hope it inspires others to reflect on their own journeys with compassion and courage.I never set out on a spiritual journey. In fact, if you’d told me years ago that I’d end up practicing Reiki, reading angel cards, and hosting women’s circles, I probably would have laughed. But life has a way of leading us where we need to go, even when we don’t understand it at the time.

Finding the New Age
It started with a simple introduction. A mum friend mentioned Reiki, a Japanese energy healing technique that focuses on balancing the body’s energy and promoting relaxation. Her best friend was a healer, and on a whim, I decided to give it a go. I’d been dealing with chronic sinus pain for years—so much so that allergy tests told me I was allergic to basically everything they tested for. I had just accepted it as my reality. But during my first Reiki session, the healer mentioned something about the muscles in my jaw, muscles I’d never even heard of before. I didn’t think too much about it at the time.

Months later, I found another Reiki healer, and this time, something shifted. The sessions felt different—deeper, like I was finally releasing some of the emotional trauma I had carried for years. She guided me through visualizations, asking me to speak to my younger self, to tell her the words I had always needed to hear. I found myself in tears, and for the first time in a long time, I walked away feeling lighter. Like some of the heaviness in my heart had lifted. I’d never experienced anything like it. It was the first thing in my life that helped me heal. So, when she told me she was teaching others how to use Reiki for themselves and their families, I wanted to learn.

During the training, I received an ‘attunement’—a process that opened me up to channel energy healing. I could physically feel the warmth in my hands, a subtle but powerful vibration moving through me. It was exhilarating, like tapping into an inner wisdom and knowing that’d always been there but was only now awakening within me. I continued my training, moving on to complete my Reiki 2, and started practicing on others. Words, emotions, pain, images, and colors would appear in my mind during sessions, and when I shared them, the people I worked with would confirm how deeply it resonated with them.

I was hungry to learn more. I bought angel cards and used them to gain insight into my life. I read every metaphysical book I could get my hands on. I started talking regularly with a psychic, asking her for direction in life, and what each month would bring. I immersed myself in the New Age world and absorbed every teaching. I learned about the chakras, crystal healing, guided meditation, astrology, horoscopes, past life regression, angel and oracle cards, angel numbers, manifesting, sage and spirit guides. Although I was eager to learn as much as I could, some parts of New Age didn’t sit right with me and made me uncomfortable. One of those was when my Reiki master gifted me a pendulum. It took a long time and a lot of persuasion before I attempted to use it. And even then, although it seemed to give accurate answers, something never quite felt right. I was happy to talk to my ‘guides’, but the thought of seeing or experiencing anything paranormal terrified me. Other parts of New Age seemed too obscure and hard for me to get on board with. I didn’t like the idea that I could manifest anything I wanted, I always wondered how it would affect other people, how could everyone truly manifest the life they want? Anytime I asked the ‘universe’ for something I always added at the end, ‘if it’s for the betterment of all.’ I also found being the creator of my own world came with a sense of anxiety and pressure. I didn’t ever know what I wanted from life.

And then, life threw my family and extended family a curveball that changed everything. My husband Tim’s sister was diagnosed with cancer.

Out of respect for my husband, his family, and most importantly, the children she left behind, I’m not going to share details as it’s not my story to tell. All I will say is this—it was devastating. At 35 she lost her battle just days before Christmas in 2018, and in the aftermath, I found myself doing what needed to be done. I compartmentalized, put my emotions aside, and stepped up to support those around me.

A year later, we knew we needed to be closer to Tim’s family, to be there for them in a way we just couldn’t from afar. So, we made the decision to sell our home, pack up our lives, and move an hour away to his hometown. It took two years of living apart while he searched for a job, but eventually, Tim, the kids, and I were all together again.

We bought an old house on 1.5 acres and slowly made it our home. While waiting for Tim to find work, I completed a Cert IV in Youth Support. Shortly after settling in, I found a part-time job as a youth worker, balancing my time between my job, Reiki healings, and card readings. I even trained to run women’s circles and started hosting them in my home.

Those women’s circles became something sacred. A space where women could meditate, share, and create. Where we could be vulnerable, honest, and supportive. Through those gatherings, I learned to trust women again. I realized we all carried wounds, all had healing to do. It changed me for the better.

I dove deeper into energy work. I bought too many crystals. But despite all I had learned, there were aspects of the New Age world that still didn’t sit right with me. The ego of those who believed themselves to be more ‘ascended’ or ‘enlightened’ than others. The idea that true spirituality meant abandoning your family to focus solely on yourself. The supernatural aspects that had terrified me since childhood. I wasn’t sure where I fit in. The people I met were either uninterested in spirituality or so deep in it that it felt extreme. I wanted something in between—something real and grounded. But I didn’t know where to find it.

Still, I pressed forward.

My life looked good from the outside. I loved my job. I loved the young people I worked with, the drop-in center I ran, the girls’ craft group I facilitated. Tim had turned our gardens into something beautiful. I had a dedicated space for Reiki and circles. I even joined a dance class, making solid friendships along the way. My kids were happy. My marriage was strong. Everything felt… good.

And yet, despite my gratitude practice, despite my positive outlook, that old, familiar feeling lingered—the quiet fear in the back of my mind that something bad was just around the corner.

Ask for Help

If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek support. Here are some Australian helplines that can help:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (Support for depression and anxiety)
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (For young people aged 5–25)
• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (Support for domestic and family violence)
• Alcohol and Drug Foundation: 1300 858 584

You are not alone, and help is available.