I didn’t put up a post on my blog last week. I sat at my computer a few times staring at the blinking line, trying to think of what to write but my heart just wasn’t in it. After a disappointing visit to the specialist, a trip to Emergency, lots of blood tests, and more questions than answers about my health, I was finding things hard emotionally and mentally.

I spent most of the weekend flat and numb, trying to process the aches, pains, and spasms in my body along with the fact I still had no idea why my body was going through this. Was it all in my head? Should I be scared? Will I wake up and not be able to walk at all one day? Questions filed through my mind making it hard to be in the moment and take in what was happening around me. I fell into a depression, sadness and fear overcame me, and I was stuck in the endless cycle of ‘what ifs?’.

Then, this week at work, I got what I thought was another knock. My manager suggested I take time off until I have my next MRI and appointment with a doctor for results. My first reaction was that something else I cared about was being taken from me. I’d spent years not sure what I wanted to be and when I decided to become a Youth Support Worker everything I’d been through as a teenager made sense. I enjoy working with young people and the work I do in my role. Now, it could disappear too.

It’s been a process, but over the past few days, I’ve decided to try to turn what I first thought was a negative into a positive. No, it’s not going to change my situation or make my body miraculously better, but, it will change the way I feel and react. Rest is good for my body, on the days I rest my body is in less pain and I can walk more easily. I’ve also realised I need to distract my mind from negative thoughts and put my energy into something more productive. So, I’ve started working on some of the amazing things I’ve had planned for Rebel Soul for some time but with work and my health, I haven’t had the energy to do.

It was important for me to take a few deep breaths, sit out on my garden bench to ground myself, enjoy a cup of tea, and remind myself of the things that are still within my control. One of those things was pursuing my passion for inspiring and empowering women and youth through Rebel Soul.
So, I can’t promise that my mind won’t slip back into negative thoughts and fear, but I can say I will always remind myself to stop, breathe, and remember what matters most. I’m excited to start sharing some of the new projects I’ve been working on very soon.

I want to take a moment to give a huge thank you to those who have been checking in on me, dropping in for a cup of tea, and listening to me when I need to talk. I appreciate you so much and you make each day easier because I know I have a handful of people who care about me.

Have an incredible week!
Linda x